Mark Twain

Well......to begin with something there must be some inspiration....so lets start off Anu Mallik Ishtyle!.....My favourite literary personalities include....oscar wilde...churchill...dave barry and of course not to forget the indomitable Mark Twain...here he is at his funny and satirical best....

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.


Buy land. They've stopped making it.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Man - a figment of God's imagination.

It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies. -- Commenting on the Bible.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

The report of my death was an exaggeration. -- (New York Journal, June 1897)


A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again. -- (talking about Henry James)

The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.

Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

It's still good sportsmanship to not pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.

Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.


When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is just putting on its shoes.

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.