Attraction...

Okay so this post may start sounding very vague in about exactly 5 sentences from now.

Thats because this next installment comes at exactly 5:44 am...after a crazy afterparty (well there was a party before but we shall not mention it here for posterity's sake). While I did get molested a little bit, I reinforced a few old beliefs and created a few new ones. Lets talk about attraction.

Lets take an example: Scene 1: A packed nightclub (could be either in North America or even India) What goes on in these places? The answer is obvious if you are around 5 years elder than the average age of the people in the nightclub. Which basically means 5 years ago, I wouldn't have noticed what I do now.
There are usually about 50 girls, some of them on the dance floor...and surrounding them will be roughly 300 guys, all waiting for a chance to align themselves to a girl's posterior. Once they successfully do that (and not all guys achieve this superhuman feat), a few minutes of ass grinding / dry humping follows. what happens then? the girl in question turns around, and depending on whether she likes what she sees, either a prolonged dry humping session or a disgusting look with a blow off follows. Another possible outcome is also that the girl's friends realize what's happening and pull her away.

What you realize in this sea of 20 somethings, is the fact that so few of the guys actually have a clue about how to interact with women (in most cases its the same cluelessness in interacting with other men as well). And not to mention, most women seem to suffer the same fate.

Now I am not an authority on communication or attraction and neither do I pretend to be one, but you somehow start getting the feeling that there is something wrong with this picture. A lot of guys, and some girls will continue doing this throughout their glory years and not realize that most times they will end up with the same result....failure!

Here's what I think is the key to interpersonal interaction... Social Status.

Before you start jumping to weird conclusions, let me tell you first off that when I say Social Status, I do not mean money, power, fame and the usual things that people perceive as social status. These things have translated to social status because of the simple fact that they are easily measurable. You can easily tell if a person is rich, successful, powerful or famous. These things will help you attract women, but not the kinds you want to have long lasting relationships with.

Social status actually is a far more complex determinant. It involves a lot of stuff that directly relates to your personality and your approach to life in general. It is the actual value that you as a person hold in any interaction.

Now if you were to quantify social status in an interaction, it would be in terms of the confidence you bring to it.

Let me try and be less vague and break it down in terms of actions: this should be the best way to explain my concept of social status.

1. Try this experiment. All men notice the women around them on a subconscious level. For a day, try and keep track of the women you notice (not in a way that would creep them out). The way men mostly perceive women as attractive is through their looks and then through their personality when they start interacting with them or watch them interact with someone else. So on an average you should probably notice about 4-5 (I'm being conservative)women that would catch your attention.
2. Now lets look at this from a woman's perspective. Women have a very different way of getting stimulated. This is not just based on looks, but as a complete package that the man is able to present to her. The other qualities are professional success (not phenomenal success, but just enough to let her know of the mans capability as a provider), attitude, confidence, behavior towards other women, capacity for fun and humour, comfort, intelligence, communication skills etc. A clarification here needs to be made that the term 'women' is not used in the generalized sense of the word. When I say women, I mean the women who have their life together and the kind of women you want to get involved with. If you are able to attract a woman who does not give importance to any or all of these qualities, you are headed for disaster (or a one night stand)
3. Okay the tough part is over. Now for the revelation... put your self in the girl's shoes and using the criteria mentioned above, estimate the number of guys she would meet who would have these qualities. She'll be lucky if she meets one in years, let alone 4-5 guys a day!

And within this lies the key to social status. You may or may not get the girl you like by buying her drinks (sometimes they say yes, just because they want a free drink!) or by showering her with gifts, but you are surely communicating your lack of social status! Its like telegraphing "please accept this drink/gift as a token of my desire for you, because I have no other way of getting you to like me"

So if you want to attract the girl / girls that you want to have fulfilling relationships with (psychological, emotional, physical, metaphysical or what ever 'al' of relationship there is), you need to get the qualities sorted out.
Get your life in order... get a life first, have things to do, places to be, people to meet.
Get a career
Be busy sometimes, get hobbies, learn how to dance and listen to good music
Appreciate good humour and learn how to use it.
Accept that having an attitude and not putting up with bullshit is a good thing.
Get creative with words, learn how to speak without having to refer to the dictionary and Stop using txt speech!
And most of all be different from the sea of people out there!

Get these things sorted out in life and everything else will fall into place...relationships are just a by product of a good life.

And the holy grail... You can understand the true value of a man by the way he treats people who are of absolutely no consequence to him.

Okay the sermon is done. And I hope the girl who hit on me last night does not read this. Go live your life, I'm going to sleep.