Deep thoughts.....

If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity "happen."

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."-Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."-Batman costume warning label

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." -George Bush

It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!-- Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars "The Stupidist Things Ever Said By Politicians" - by Ross and Kathryn Petras

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling
Margoret Lee Runbeck

Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive but what they conceal is vital
Aaron Levenstein

Mark Twain's answer to a would-be writer: "Young Author"- Yes, Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brain. So far you are correct. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat- at least not with certainty. If the specimen composition you send is about your fair usual averge, I suggest that perhaps a couple of whales would be all you would want for the present. Not the largest kind, but simply good middling-sized whales.-Mark Twain "Answers to Correspondents", Sketches New and Old

Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion -- several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven....The higher animals have no religion. And we are told that they are going to be left out in the Hereafter. I wonder why? It seems questionable taste.- Mark Twain The Lowest Animal essay, 1897

We despise all reverences and all the objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our own list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.- Mark Twain.Following the Equator